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Remembering Love When Dealing With Loss - New Segment “On the Couch With Dr. J”

I am excited to introduce, "On The Couch with Dr. J." These video segments will engage guests in conversations surrounding difficult subjects that many people can relate to. From overcoming disappointment to struggling through a breakup, I discuss a wide range of topics from the "couch".

This first video tackles the discussion of love and loss, something that unfortunately each of us has had to grapple with in life. Whether it be the passing of a family member or a nasty break up, no human on this planet is foreign to the pain of letting go of a valued relationship. 

It is important to recognize the great amount of pain that comes with no longer having someone as part of your life, it is necessary to recall the connection you formed with that person and the love that was born from it. The memories, the love, the joy, the connection, all of these things that now seem to be cruel recollections of the past are the key to finding peace and acceptance.

Love can help us to overcome the pain of loss. I continue on to stress that there is no set timeline for grieving, even though those surrounding you may try and assert that there is. Everyone processes loss differently, so there is no universal time limit for how you’re feeling and when that will begin to shift.

The Five Stages of Grief (Elisabeth Kübler-Ross):

  1. Denial: you don’t even believe this is really happening

  2. Anger: why did this person leave? Why didn’t they take better care of themselves?

  3. Bargaining: maybe if I did something else this would have gone differently

  4. Depression: overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness

  5. Acceptance: understanding that a person is gone and choosing to remember the love between you and that person

This process is not linear, people do not typically just move from one stage to the next straight into acceptance. We usually start to feel good or better, then something happens. We hear a song on the radio, we see a movie, or somebody says something that brings us back to the pain of loss. But I want you to remember, the thing that can help you is love.

Keeping alive the good memories and experiences that grew the love between you and that person can aid you in beginning to honor them. By acknowledging the pieces within yourself that have been directly formed and shaped by that person, you are paying homage to the way their life uniquely touched yours and how they will continue to leave an impact even if they are not physically with you. It is not easy, but finding love in times of loss can help us through the pain. Loss is connected to love, and sometimes love can be connected to loss.

Dr. George James (@GeorgeTalks), Chief Innovation Officer, Senior Staff Therapist & Supervisor at Council for Relationships, Assistant Professor for the Couple and Family Therapy Program at Thomas Jefferson University and CEO of George Talks LLC.

Jamie McClelland, is a senior at Villanova University, double majoring in English and Communications with a specialization in media production.

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